


Sorry

by linnealice



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Harry, Cannabis, Drugs, Eventual Smut, M/M, Marijuana, Realistic, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top!Zayn, Weed, pot, speed - Freeform, zarry - Freeform, zarry stylik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:19:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linnealice/pseuds/linnealice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Zayn end up chillin' in Zayn's room after a long night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Daylight

It was close to 7 in the morning when Harry threw himself down in the sofa. He had been dancing for almost six hours straight, and even if he was totally smashed when he came to the club he now felt as sober as ever. 

He leaned his head back and relaxed down into the grungy pillows. Just as his eyes started to close he realized a guy was approaching him. He straightened up into a more suitable position as the guy sat down beside him. He started talking to Harry, telling him a bunch of nice thing about how he liked the way he had been dancing and his smile. Harry tried to tag along despite being ready to sleep, and the boy kept leaning in closer as he talked. Harry thought about what would eventually happen and that he would actually let it happen, I mean there wasn’t anything wrong with the guy, and making out with two people in one night is always a nice accomplishment. So that’s why Harry didn’t flinch when the guy finally leaned in close enough for them to kiss. 

It was alright, nothing special, but nothing bad either. After a minute or so the guy paused, telling Harry he needed to hit the restroom before the club closed. ”Stay here, I’ll be right back!” Harry just nodded, and stayed put. Even thought the guy was nothing special he had no reason to leave the sofa. The break of dawn was revealing itself through the cellar windows, lighting up the funky interior of the underground club. It was depressing but in the same time it made Harry content, he had survived this night too. 

He let his droopy eyes wander across the other people in the room, and realized Zayn and his ex Perrie were eyeing him, Perrie especially. They were sitting in their own sofa with company, but Harry didn't recognise the other's faces from before. He realized he’d hardly seen Zayn or Perrie at all that night, all he remembered was dancing with Niall, Liam and Louis, and then dancing alone after they’d abandoned him. Harry smiled to himself when he thought of it; they’d probably grabbed a speedy cab to the hotel and fucked each other senseless. That last part wasn’t true, but Harry couldn’t help imagining it that way. It was the least he could do to deal with the sexual frustration he had for his band mates. 

In the corner of his eye Harry could see Perrie get up from her sofa and walk towards him. It made Harry feel a bit restless, especially the way she had looked at him, and the way he had let himself look back at her. He didn’t know why he had let himself reflect what was in her eyes, which could only have been sexual interest. Maybe he felt the needed to neutralize his sexuality, or maybe he wanted an excuse not to go any further with that guy. Anyway, Perrie was approaching him, and just as expected she sat down beside him and looked at him intently. She asked him how he was, where the other guys were and ultimately why he was looking so cute, may I kiss you? Harry could hardly believe how calm he sounded when he answered her that yes, of course you may. It was lovely, even though Harry had actually only kissed a few girls before, and it always felt so different compared to boys. He didn’t know why he was doing this, but did he ever know why he did things? Did he ever know when to stop? All he knew was that Perrie was hot beyond reason and that there was no reason not to go along. They kept touching, especially Perrie, sighing heavily. Obviously she was on something. Harry couldn’t help but to smile into their kisses, knowing that Zayn was probably watching them, maybe jealous, maybe astounded. Harry liked the idea of it, Zayn being jealous of him because he was kissing his ex. Or maybe being jealous of Perrie. And being astounded of Harry for his guts, possibly becoming interested of Harry himself. Harry knew that this was one of the reasons as to why he was kissing Perrie right now. As he felt her damp lips sliding against his own he imagined how Zayn would eventually come to like him if Harry became Perries new fuck buddy, replacing Zayn. Because Harry knew they were still doing it.

“Mhaaah” Perrie moaned into Harry’s mouth. He realized he was letting his hand wander about her waist just according to make out-protocol. He leaned back and smiled. Perrie looked back at him with eyes full of whit. “Sorry, its just that I’m really sensitive now. I had some speed before” she continued excusing.

“It’s ok, maybe we should take a break” Harry suggested

“They’re closing now anyway. I’m sorry if I’m touching you so much without letting you touch me but its just, mmh… So exciting on this…” she sighed, Harry teasing her. “Hey, are you going to the hotel or do you wanna come with me and Zayn to this guys place?” Perrie continued. Harry heart jumped at Zayn but then sank again when someone else’s place was mentioned. Going to a stranger always made Harry a bit worried but as always he ended up doing exactly the opposite as to what his gut was telling him. 

Which meant that 15 minutes later he found himself outside the closing club, surrounded by users bonding over their obvious interests as if it was the only thing that would save them from the threat of the approaching daylight. Harry had his arm in Perrie’s who was chatting with the 40 or so woman that they were going to, which by the way was looking very spastic and far out in the blue. Harry fished up a fag from the pack in his pocket and lit it, enjoying the feel of the smoke in his lunges and how it cleared his mind of the night. It was something familiar, something that reminded him of that everything was normal, that he could just call a cab if he felt too worried and wanted to go home. And also it reminded him of Zayn, if Zayn saw him maybe he would ask for one if he hadn’t got any of his own and where was Zayn by the way?


	2. IDC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds himself in a strangers home.

“Where are the others?” Harry interrupted, careful not to mention Zayn exclusively, he didn’t want to arise any suspicions in Perrie, which might lead to less interest from her side and ultimately less attention directed at him from Zayn. He turned his head around, searching the surroundings, ignoring the smell of weed coming from different directions. Apparently pot was more accepted than tobacco here. The stoners were desperately trying to cling on to the night by passing the joint around, being - or pretending to be - interested in and social with each other.

“They’re over there, they’re just gonna fix some stuff, they’ll join us in a bit.” Perrie assured. He felt himself fill up with disappointment. I bet they won’t be joining us after all, Harry thought to himself. Yet he kept walking along with Perrie and the woman. There was still a chance Zayn would join them later.

“What are we doing at your place again?” Harry asked to get control over the situation.

“What do you mean? What do you want to do? We’re just gonna chill, the night isn’t over yet, we can chat we can do some speed we can relax we can smoke like weed and stuff, listen to music”, she said in swenglish. Harry shrugged, to him the night was gone a few hours ago, but he figured it was best not to correct her. 

As they walked Harry kept thinking of Zayn. Damn it, he should just turn around and join (stalk) his band mate, it’s not like they wouldn’t want Harry there. Or? Well maybe they didn’t want him there, I mean they were probably dealing with substances and stuff, of course they don’t want anyone sneaking around being annoying when they’re fixing that stuff. I don’t want to make Zayn think I’m annoying, Harry thought. Zayn wont leave me, he’ll come. He wouldn’t leave me alone, just like I wouldn’t leave him alone, oh shit I just did. Harry looked up from his feet, ready to turn around to make sure Zayn was still safe.

“Yeah, so this is where I live” the woman said. Harry realized they’d already reached their destination. He looked back the way they’d come, but didn’t recognise his surroundings. He was lost and he couldn’t go get Zayn. And Perrie wasn’t going to go back with him, she was greedy for more and Harry couldn’t leave her here with this woman, let alone find his way back by himself. Harry’s only choice was to join Perrie and the woman up to the apartment.

The lift was small, and it smelled funky in the hallways. They went straight into the living room when the door was closed behind them, without taking their shoes or jackets off.

“I haven’t got a sofa, just this old bed.”

Harry sat down in the substitutional installation in the living room. The apartment looked just as worn out as the woman herself, but Harry liked it. He romanticised the whole grungy – no, just trashy really - feeling of this town. Well this part of this town, Harry hadn’t seen much more of Malmö, since they’d fought hard to remain under cover when getting to the club. 

Zayn had been going on about this place ever since Perrie took him here the first time. He kept describing it like a mini underground berlin. Eventually the five of them had agreed to go here despite the risks, and with that they didn’t only mean the fans.

As Perrie and the woman chatted and prepared some sort of beverage in the kitchen, Harry continued thinking about Zayn. He couldn’t help feeling a bit eerie about the situation, and he realized he was hoping Zayn hadn’t ran off with the dealer woman, or whoever she was. Harry would be surprised if Zayn would go with a 30 or so year old woman, but still.

It was barely five minutes later that the entry door was opened again, by Zayn. Him, Perrie and the two women entered the living room together chatting about whatever and Harry concentrated on the black cat that had joined him on the sofa/bed, in an attempt to seem relaxed. He didn’t want Zayn to think he had stayed alone in the living room because he couldn't feel at home in a strangers flat. Harry wanted to seem as chill as Perrie, or Zayn himself. 

But of course Zayn already knew Harry. Sure, this curly whirly boy was chill, but also a bit childish sometimes, not really aware of his own best. And least but not last he could be lost, shy and uncomfortable in some situations, well especially situations like these. That’s what made him so adorable and cute. 

Zayn himself had lost it long ago; times like these he didn’t care about anything, whatever would or could happen to him. Of course he couldn’t let anyone know this, it would have some bad consequences, and that was also the reason why he was so good at hiding this part of himself in other situations. He had to hide this part of himself somewhere; otherwise he would have found himself in a place where he couldn’t bare existing, a rehab. 

It was one thing to die from living, from what someone else could do to him. But dying from your own hand (well, more directly), by making decisions and doing bad stuff to yourself, seemed a bit too harsh towards the ones he loved. If he was to die it couldn’t be his own fault directly. If he could just realize he had actually started caring about this. Life and death. Then he wouldn’t have to cheat himself like this. Taking risks, looking for danger. Zayn didn’t want to admit that there was one thing that could help him. One thing to help him out of this, his constant wish to fill an empty hole that grew wider and looser the more stuff he tried to cork it up with. Deep down from that hole there was an echo, an echo of a cry, begging for Zayn to grab the one and only missing piece that could fix it. This piece was right in front of him.


	3. Don't even ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries something for the first time. Something Zayn has already done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you want a song to match this chapter you should listen to Heartbeat Overdrive by Ballet School :)

Zayn let his eyes rest on the wall between Harry and Perrie. He didn’t want to seem obvious by looking directly at the only person in the room he really cared about. Wait, what was this ecstasy doing to him?, he wondered. He didn’t know what was reasonable or too much anymore, he didn’t know what was too much (of what?) or just paranoia. All he knew was that he needed the person he felt safe with in his arms; he was close to a bad trip. Zayn briskly shook his head and looked around for something, where was that speed? He needed speed; he needed something to clear his mind he though as he searched his pockets for the weed. The only thing he found was cigarettes, to his surprise. Whatever, he lit one and looked at Harry, he didn’t care if his stare would be intense, it could be whatever, he needed to just focus on Harry and understand that his rock was there, that everything was okay, he needed to quit the bad thoughts. 

Perrie and Harry were sharing a fag, and talking, looking very intimate. It made Zayn feel a bit worried but it didn’t matter it was still Harry there in that bed or sofa or whatever it was Zayn couldn’t bother think properly. The younger boy could feel Zayn’s eyes resting on him, and in the corner of his eye he saw how the dark boy was zooming out with the cigarette between his lips. Damn, so sexy, was all he could think. 

The 40 year old woman, was her name Cilla?, was breaking up a white powder with her credit card on a plate. Harry’s eyes flickered over it and he hoped he didn’t look stressed. Was that coke? No, it must be speed right? They hadn’t said anything about coke, it must be speed. Harry tried to reassure himself and focused on Perrie again, in an attempt to forget about what he’d seen. Was he sweating? For god’s sake Harry calm your fucking nerves down. Yet he hadn’t felt this excited in a long time. Stop being excited you looser, it’s not like you would ever get the chance to go far enough to become addicted anyway, he thought to himself. 

Harry didn’t like the idea of Zayn being surrounded by this, it worried him. Yet in the same time it made him look up to him in an interesting way. He couldn’t understand why he was fascinated of Zayn for doing things like these, it was stupid yet why the fuck is this turning me on?? was all Harry could think. Of course this just added up to what he was already feeling for Zayn, what he had felt from the start. Somehow this side of Zayn really made Harry realise how much the boy had meant to him the entire time. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if something would happen to him. In the midst of his thoughts Harry realised Zayn had stopped talking to the 30 year old woman and was now looking right back at Harry, 

oh shit I’ve been staring at Zayn. And he caught me.

Harry quickly looked down, as if he'd found a sudden fascination for his own knees. Then he realized this probably made him look even fucking more startled.

“Huh” Harry uttered to Perrie, he had completely forgotten about her when he got lost in his thoughts of Zayn. Cilla was rolling up a 100 kr note. They’re snorting now, Harry thought to himself. “Yeah” he simply replied without continuing their conversation, instead petting the black cat and focusing on the plate that was now passed to Zayn. The older boy pulled a line without hesitation. The plate was once again passed. When the 30 year old woman was done she handed the plate over to Perrie.

“Do you want some?” Perrie asked Harry. He realized the plate had probably been passed on to him and he blushed for not having accepted it as naturally as Zayn had. What the fuck was this peer pressure doing to him, especially in front of Zayn. Damn, could a crush really change you like this? Or was this something more?

“Yeah sure… speed right?” Harry tried to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, what else?” Perrie answered teasingly.

“Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t coke or something” Harry shrugged, turning his attention to the plate and the two lines left. 

He knew he wasn’t doing this just for Zayn sake, Harry was always open to new experiences, I mean he never declined if someone would offer him something like weed, and the same thing with acid, even though he had only tried the latter one once. And that was before he knew what Zayn was into. Well if this still turned out to be because of Zayn, Harry was far from aware of it, even though his view on drugs might’ve become even more liberal since he found out that Zayn was into them too. 

Harry took the plate from Perrie. He hovered down over it with the bill in line with his nostril and tried to calm down, focus, so that he could make this look as natural as possible. Harry placed the roll to one end of the line and quickly sniffed, blocking the other nostril. 

To his surprise it didn’t feel at all as bad as he had expected. Harry had thought that he would have the urge to sneeze but instead he almost instantly felt uplifted. The placebo effect. He placed the plate on the table and leaned back, a content, almost looking satisfied with himself, smile on his lips. Zayn smiled back at him. Like they both knew they had done something naughty, something bad. Amphetamine.

The exchange made Zayn relax even more, the smile from Harry looked like a confirmation of the tension between them, like they both knew they were checking each other out, if only in a playful way. It was weird, but far from awkward by now.


	4. Lets get out of here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's past time Zayn and Harry leave that place now.

Zayn finally remembered where he had put his weed. It was in his cigarette package. He got it out of his pocket and began his rolling up. Harry was watching him the entire time, completely absorbed by Zayn’s hands. He had stopped talking to Perrie, so Zayn wouldn't think he was genuinely interested. 

Harry didn’t feel especially high, but he knew he wasn’t normal either. He felt cold sweat all over his body, yet Harry refused to pull off the cover. What he really wanted to do was run around, letting this newly found source of energy from within or whatever, absorb him, control him. It was like his mind was wide awake but his body was sleeping, tired from the night. 

Zayn had trouble finishing the roll, he could feel Harry watching him and it made his hands unsteady. He almost felt like telling Harry that Yes, Harry, don’t worry I promise I’ll share, you can stop those puppy eyes. But Zayn hoped Harry was watching him for other reasons than greed. Secretly, almost unaware of it himself, Zayn loved it when Harry would watch him like this. 

Finally it was ready. Zayn lit it and watched the small flame at the joints end before he blew it out. The scent of brown heaven slowly travelled across the room. He looked up from weed, right into Harry’s eyes, smizing suggestively as he took small puffs. He let the smoke escape his throat, swirling out of his mouth in a small cloud, matching perfectly with his tense yet relaxed jaw. Harry realized he was staring again; Zayn was always so sexy when he acted nonchalant like this. Smoking hot. The older boy couldn’t help but smile when Harry quickly looked away, his cheeks glowing pink.

“Harry” Zayn murmured as he reached over the low table, gesturing for Harry to take the joint that he held out to him with his beautiful arm. Zayn was still smiling, which made Harry even more embarrassed as he accepted the offering made by the lovely boy. He had a few hits before passing it to the next person. It calmed his nerves perfectly, speed and weed, relaxed without being tired. Harry almost felt flattered that Zayn had given the joint to him directly, skipping the people between them who looked just as hungry for kush as Harry was hungry for Zayn. Harry hoped it hadn’t showed. Though it was kind of obvious that Harry blushing face was the reason for Zayn’s superior smirk.

The two boys continued throwing glances at each other long past the end of the joint. Neither of them joined in the conversations of the room much, they just let the high take them deeper into the psyche trance playing in the background. 

Eventually, probably around noon, Perrie told Harry she had to leave. It seemed as if she wanted Harry to join her but Harry pretended not to notice, returning his eyes to somewhere around Zayn after they’d said goodbye. Being only him and Zayn left made Harry a bit worried again but he just wanted to be alone with Zayn, it was worth taking a risk. 

The woman beside him now, Cilla, moved closer, and Harry could see how Zayn threw a suspicious glance her way. Harry didn’t move away, but he didn’t come closer either. He wasn’t sure he dared to show his displeasure of the sudden approach so directly; after all he didn’t know how someone like Cilla would take a rejection like that. Harry just didn’t want Zayn to think he was unavailable, even how small the chances were that Zayn felt the same for Harry. He tried to radiate an invisible negative energy flow towards Cilla, but unfortunately the woman didn’t seem to take any notice of it.

“I want to suck you so bad, I would make you come so hard” the woman whispered in his ear. “We just have to wait til the others are gone baby.” Harry desperately tried to hide the chock in his face at these unexpected words.

“Mm” Harry hummed almost inaudibly. The woman caressed his leg gently and he let her, as long as she didn’t go further, which she tried to a few times before she gave up when she realized Harry wasn’t so keen.

A couple more hours passed by and Harry relished the bizarre situation, despite the woman sitting beside him. He felt like he was in a 90s low budget film, sitting in that trashy living room.

“C’mon Harry, you can’t stay here.” Harry quickly returned back to reality, it was Zayn, he and the two others were standing up, apparently waiting for him. Harry realized he’d been staring at an especially forgotten corner of the room (god knew what hid there) for an unknown period of time.

“You can stay if you want” he heard from his right.

“No” Zayn said, having trouble to hide the anxiety in his voice. Harry quickly got up on his unsteady legs and walked over to the others, ignoring the insisting look on the woman’s face. Zayn instantly felt relieved, he was almost entirely out of his high and started realizing that the situation he and Harry were in felt a bit fishy. He was anxious to get out of there, especially with that lady sitting so close to Harry. But didn’t want to be pulling his friend out of the situation against his will, and as Zayn didn’t know what state of mind Harry was in he had almost feared that that might become the situation. And the question was if that lady would’ve even let him. 

As soon as Harry stood Zayn realized he was okay, not near as gone as he would’ve expected this sleepy head to be 24 hours without sleep. Harry came close to him, as in search of comfort. Zayn realized he had probably ignited the anxiety in him, and tried to reassure Harry with his eyes. They slowly made their way out of the flat, making it out to the elevator after they all had to endure a hug from their host. When the door finally closed Zayn felt as if a stone had been lifted from his heart. If anything had happened to them, to Harry, in there it would’ve been his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it gets really good after this. I think.


	5. It's simmering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take the cab home

The lift seemed to take forever, and Zayn tried not to think about the fact that they were still inside the building. He couldn’t wait to get outside. If anything would come back to hunt them they could just run away. But here, inside this building, it felt like another planet, a thousand miles form civilisation. Breathe. And it felt like the daylight hit their faces even before Zayn could exhale.

“He’s a cab driver, she’s gonna give me a ride to the centre, she can take you to your hotel after that if you want”, the woman said gesturing to a guy standing by a car parked by the road. 

Zayn hesitated before agreeing. He realized this would be the best way to get back to the hotel as he didn’t want to risk them being spotted like this by waiting for another taxi, even though getting into the car of someone you don’t know is generally something you don’t do. 

Harry didn’t mind, as long as Zayn was with him. He followed into the backseat, getting in from the same side; Harry didn’t want to risk getting left behind, and just the thought of walking around the car alone made him nervous. Zayn felt both relieved and anxious as they started moving, they’d be home soon but still it wasn’t something he could be entirely sure of. He tried not to seem so restless as he looked out the front window in an attempt to see where they were actually going. There was no use of it anyway. This town was so flat it felt like you were stuck in a maze. You could barely see a hundred yards ahead. It was like and old computer game. For now at least. 

Zayn turned his head towards Harry instead. The boy seemed tense, eyes staring steady out the window. It gave Zayn the chance to really take in Harry’s beauty without Harry knowing he was being stared at creepily. The sky hid behind grey clouds, but it was still bright outside, that white light that seemed to stop time. Sunless light. The low roof of the car made Harry’s silhouette dark against the window. 

Harry could feel Zayn staring at him, and he desperately wanted to look back at him but he knew that Zayn would look away if he did. One part of him liked it more when Zayn was watching him than looking at Zayn himself. Or maybe he’s just staring out the window. Keep on dreaming Harry, he thought to himself. If he turned his head around to look back and it turned out Zayn wasn’t look at him that would be kind of awkward because it would be kind of obvious that he had thought that he had been stared at. It grew harder by the second for Harry to keep his gaze outside the window, and he tried not to seem self-conscious as if he knew he was being watched. Though before he knew it he was throwing a slight gaze over his shoulder and for one second their eyes met before Zayn quickly moved his eyes one millimetre to the left. Harry couldn’t help but smile, and Zayn fought hard not to blush.  
The cab stopped and the woman got out. It grew uncomfortably silent after Zayn told the driver where they were going. The small seat between them seamed as wide as an ocean, yet too small to fit them both. Harry let his hand rest beside his left thigh; just the thought of being inches closer to Zayn made Harry’s heart beat closer. He wished they could just cuddle and goof around like they normally did, but it didn’t feel like the right time for that now. 

Harry was looking right ahead now, he couldn’t wait to get to the hotel but in the same time he dreaded the thought of parting from Zayn. He heard him slide his hand down from his lap, and Harry could see how Zayn had placed his hand just like Harry, beside him on the seat. If it had been tense before it was nothing compared to now. Together they slowly moved their hands closer towards each other, millimetre by millimetre. Zayn was so concentrated he didn’t even notice it when they started to slow down. They were almost touching when they stopped and Zayn removed his hand to pay. Harry got out of the car, trying to wait for Zayn in a casual way, if that’s even possible. He couldn’t look him in the face, and they didn’t speak until they were in the lift, on their way to their floor.

“You alright?” Zayn voice shattered the silence so abruptly it felt like tiny pieces of glass hit them.

“Yeah” was all Harry could respond. It grew quiet again. Suddenly Harry felt Zayn’s hand in his. His immediate reaction was to not react at all.

“We’re alright now,” Zayn said matter-of-factly, and at that Harry could look back and smile mischievously at him as he squeeze his hand reassuringly. Zayn smiled back. Really, he felt where they’d been maybe wasn’t something to smile about, but Harry’s dimples were so adorable he thought he’d melt into a puddle on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for mistakes, didn't have time to read thru.


	6. Hot box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn won't let them part just yet.

What had he been thinking, going to that place with Harry? He promised himself he would never make the mistake of going to a strangers house again, at least not when Harry was with him. He promised himself he would never put Harry in any of the uncertain situations that he tried to drain himself in. To drown in. Hurting himself wasn’t important enough to put someone he loved at risk.

The lift stopped and to Harry’s disappointment he lost Zayn’s hand somehow as they got out. As they walked through the hall towards their rooms Harry felt Zayn’s eyes flickering on him several times before he spoke.

“I’m not tired at all, are you?”

“Nope, me neither, must be the speed.” Harry responded. “It’s already getting dark outside.”

“Yeah,” Zayn hummed. “Look, I wont be able to sleep, I’m just gonna be in my room keeping it incognito and have some crisps, maybe blaze some more, wanna join me, or are you gonna try sleeping anyway?” Zayn looked at Harry hopefully, wishing he hadn't said so much in such a short time.

“I’d rather just chill than sleep, sure” Harry shrugged and threw a glance at Zayn’s shoulder. His cheeks were growing hot again and he felt his heart beat. Zayn got his key out and opened the door. Harry felt like he’d never been in one of Zayn’s rooms before, this felt so new.

“D’you want anything from the bar?” Zayn said as Harry threw himself down on the big bed and flicked on the telly. He needed something to else aside from Zayn to focus his eyes on.

“I’ll have a scotch thanks.” Harry heard how Zayn poured the drinks up and he took the liberty to help Zayn open one of the snack bags. Zayn handed him the drink without looking at him and put his own on the bedtime table by his side of the bed. He started rolling another joint, the paper rustled beside Harry who threw glances at it now and then. He felt like a stale stick beside Zayn, especially when they were being this quiet and all he was doing was stare straight ahead at the screen.

“Hold this,” Zayn said focused, handing Harry the filter he’d rolled up. Watching Zayn working like this, his intense stare focusing on the tip of his fingers was frankly adorable. 

“Here,” Harry gave back the filter, their skin touching once more for a split second. Zayn put it in place. Harry couldn’t help but stare as the dark boy licked along the edge to seal it, the way his tongue caressed dat paper was enough to make Harry's cock twitch. Harry shifted uncomfortably, being precautious to cover any possible inconvenient bulge. He heard the sound of a lighter being flicked on, and Zayn’s face was lit up with warm light for a couple of second as he lit the spliff. Harry felt the infamous scent fill the air as Zayn had the first puff. He had another one before he handed it over to the younger boy who put it between his lips as easy as nothing. He felt how the smoked filled him up, his throat got warm, it almost burned. Opening his mouth slightly a thick white smoke appeared as a curtain before his eyes. Zayn could do nothing but stare, his jaw slightly dropped in awe. Damn, he just waned to caress those lips, feel them against his teeth, lick that tongue. 

Harry suddenly turned his head and smiled at Zayn triumphantly, obviously well aware of the reaction his sensual exhale had caused. Zayn couldn’t take it, he had to laugh. This situation was just too much. Harry joined in because this was some strong shit. They laughed until they had to breathe, maybe it was the ganja, maybe it was just the thought of the last 24 hours, who knows. They found themselves sunken down on the bed smiling brightly, just passing the joint between them, laughing some more every now and then. When it was almost finished Zayn sat up.

“Hey Harry, try this.” Zayn gestured for him to sit up as he waved the small piece left under his own nose and inhaled deep to show Harry what he meant. The older boy rolled his eyes back and smiled widely at the ceiling, eyes closed as if he was truly relishing the feeling. It made Harry laugh again, causing him even more difficulty to sit his dazed body up. Zayn opened his eyes again and looked at Harry, still only smiling intently. The moment was so calm, filled with soft mist. The air was like one big pillow, surrounding him and Zayn like under a big cover, a big white snowy yet warm sky. 

Zayn held out his hand towards Harry, moving the joint under his nose so he could have a hit like Zayn had showed him. It was intense, like sticking your nose over the opening to a newly popped can of soda. He frowned, and felt even higher than before which to his surprise was possible. The scotch didn’t help either.

“I usually don’t like crossfading” Harry laughed. “But it’s really alright with you” Harry laughed even more, falling down on the bed again. Why did I say that? I’m so obvious it’s a joke. The thought echoed in his head. Zayn eyes were furrowed, he looked confused.

“I didn’t realize we were crossfading…” he said in a slow manner. Then he started laughing too, falling down just like Harry. They stared at each other, laughing, when suddenly Zayn reached out, touching Harry’s arm fascinated. “This is so much better than E.” Zayn murmured. “With you.”

Harry just watched him intently, smiling slightly. He was calm, yet those words, coming from Zayn, stirred a firestorm within. He wanted to thank him but instead he said “You have to be careful.” Zayn only hummed in agreement and looked back up from Harry's arm into his eyes. He changed the subject.

“It’s really warm in here, I’m gonna take my shirt off.” Zayn removed his hand from Harry.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Do you want me to open a window?” Zayn looked questioningly at Harry.

“No, we’re hot boxing in here, aren’t we?”

“You’re not as good as they think, are you?” Zayn laughed, he didn’t know Harry was so keen for the kush. Harry just shrugged. “Do you want water then? Something to drink?”

“Water thanks…” Harry stumbled as he got out of bed.


	7. A text from Perrie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn feels the need to explain himself when he sees the text Harry got from Perrie.

“You sure you’re alright?” Zayn teased as he got out of the room, into the small “cooking” area. He slid of his hoodie, exposing the bare skin on his arms to the blue moonlight shining in through the window. He was wearing a black loose tank top. He hoped Harry would throw shady glances at him when he got back to the bed. Holding a huge beer glass, filled to the top with water, in each hand he made his way out to the main room again. He walked slowly, dreading the thought of spilling it all in front of Harry. He really didn’t want to seem as gone as he felt. As he was putting down the glasses on the bedside table Harry spoke from the other side of the bed.

“I’m surprised you didn’t spill” Harry’s muffled voice came from behind his shirt, which he was now pulling off. Zayn’s jaw dropped as he saw Harry’s well defined abs in the dim light of the room. 

Somewhere far away he thought he heard a clink, Zayn was immediately drawn back to reality and his eyes away from Harry’s torso. He had almost let one of the glasses tip over, and his tank top was a bit wet from the water that had spilled out.

Zayn hurried into the bathroom. Fuck. He could still see the long adorable lashes on Harry’s lowered eyes and the way his muscles had moved under that hot skin, before him. Calm down. It was impossible. He was sure he was sporting a semi by now. He couldn’t stay in here, he had to go out again. He pulled of his wet tank top and tossed it on the bathroom floor. Zayn slowly walked back to the bed, where he saw Harry laying spread out with his glass in one hand and crisps in his other. He stared hungrily at Zayn, making him feel even more uncomfortable.

“It’s almost hotter in here without a shirt on” Harry remarked in a low voice. It made Zayn blush even more, and he thanked god it was dark in the room. He didn’t know what to answer so he simply sat down beside Harry. A couple of minutes passed by, but it felt like a lifetime. Apart from the television it was dead silent.

“We should finish that last bit” Zayn suggested, at which Harry nodded, he seemed to have lost his ability to speak with the mocking shine of Zayn’s chest poking Harry in the corner of his eye. He was still as high, but he didn’t want to stop this nice moment with Zayn, didn’t want to have to leave. “Have you done the shotgun?” Zayn asked.

“Uhm, nope… whats that?” Harry could only think of something very naught when he heard shotgun.

“Inhale when I exhale” Was Zayn’s only way of explaining before he put the joint between his teeth the wrong way around, so that the lit end was in his mouth. He inhaled and then grabbed Harry’s chin, pulling him closer, almost into a kiss. Then he exhaled, watching Harry intently nodding as to motion for him to inhale his smoke. 

If Harry didn’t feel like fainting from the thick smoke, he was sure he would faint from being this close to Zayn without being able to kiss him. He felt like his entire body was aching from restraint. The moment seemed to last forever but it still wasn’t enough for Harry when they both leaned back down on the bed, away from each other. Zayn didn’t say a word; he didn’t even look at Harry. Instead he started fumbling with the dead joint over the ashtray. Zayn’s delicate fingers removed the rizla to get to the filter, which he unfolded and lit, smelling the fumes. These little tricks of Zayn never ceased to wonder Harry.

“You get the last bits like this” Zayn explained and handed over the lighter and the last piece of filter to him. Harry copied and looked at Zayn, thinking that it was over.

“I’m still as baked as Cake, this will last for at least two more hours. I feel like I can’t move.” Zayn said.

“Yeah, me too.”

“It’s probably best we just stay in here until the smell has calmed it’s pants…” Zayn continued. Harry was just going to respond when he felt the left pocket in his trousers vibrate. It was a text from Perrie.

LOL, I suggested to Zayn that we have a three-way yesterday, and he was totally in on it. I think we should still figure something out.

At first Harry’s didn’t understand what it actually said, what it meant. His mind didn’t know where to start.   
Zayn was in on it   
was all that echoed in his head. Was that why Perrie had been so keen on him? 

“Sumthin’ wrong?” Zayn said, but he needn’t ask when he saw the text. Harry must’ve been staring at the screen for almost a minute.

“So that’s why she was all over me?” Harry broke the silence.

“Yeah…” Zayn said, still trying to find something reasonable to say. “Y’know E really makes you klingy.” Damn, that sounded wrong, like I’m looking for a stupid excuse to why I was in on it, Zayn thought to himself.

“It’s alright, Zayn” Harry said without breathing. It was all he could think of.

“It’s not like that Harry – ”

“No, I know Zayn, I’m fine with it” Harry shrugged back at him smiling reassuringly; he didn’t want Zayn to be worried right now. It could lead to bad thoughts. He tried to hide his disappointment; of course Zayn didn’t like him like that.


	8. Don't speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn shows Harry what he cannot find words to tell.

“You’re not listening. I don’t mean I was in on it just because I was high…” Zayn said, without knowing how to continue. He just felt like he needed to explain what he meant so that he wouldn’t seem like a total user, or completely uninterested in Harry In that way, for that matter. The younger boy didn’t know what to respond. “I mean it’s not like you’re completely undesirable… quite the opposite. Especially when you’re not wearing a shirt” one part of Zayn hoped Harry hadn’t heard that last bit. It made Harry feel even more speechless than before, but he wanted to compliment Zayn in return, if what Zayn had said meant what Harry wished it did.

“I’m not even into it, I mean I’m not that into Perrie.” That didn’t really come out the way Harry had intended it. “I haven’t got anything against you but Perrie…” Just shut up will you, Harry was screaming inside. He couldn’t believe he had just said that and he looked up to the ceiling in an attempt to hide his shocked, blushing face. He wanted to sink down through the mattress through the floor, all floors, just bury himself in deep into the ground. Instead he had to be satisfied with the sinking down into the pillows he had leaned against.

“Yeah, it would be weird for me too. Like, I could have a three-way with you… no really I couldn’t. It’s not that it would be weird, I just don’t think I could share.” Zayn looked at Harry who seemed very puzzled with the canopy of the king-sized bed. His heart was racing; he knew he had to do it when Harry looked back at him. Any second now. He couldn’t wait to do it, yet it felt like he was going to have a heart attack too. The time seemed to move through water, slow and dreamy. The colour from the telly seemed to change the shapes in Harry’s frozen face. 

He could feel Zayn’s eyes on him. The words still stung, he knew he’d never have a chance with him now. He felt the need to look back at Zayn, who had been staring at him for what seemed a while. He turned his head in a quick small smile and hoped Zayn wouldn’t notice the small tear at the corner of his eye. He hardly had time to focus on the canopy again before Zayn’s face appeared above his. The older boy suddenly forgot why he was doing whatever he was doing; all he knew was that it was too late to stop now. Moving from his position and this close to Harry felt like moving through the entire cosmos in one second, like he had travelled to another dimension, to another world that wasn’t even possible in his other reality, the one where he hadn’t suddenly felt absolute necessity of closing the gap between the two of them. 

When Zayn’s wet lips finally melted into Harry’s everything came naturally. It was like they had made out every day, the shape of their lips fit perfectly together. All Harry could think about as he let his damp skin slide against Zayn’s swollen, hot lips, was the fact they tasted even better kissing than they looked good whenever this mysterious boy would bite them. 

The feeling of Harry’s soft flesh pressed against his own even made Zayn forget to be relieved that Harry hadn’t flinched away from his approach. Zayn felt how his dick was hardening painfully in his boxers, and he felt like he just wanted to wrap his arms around Harry and stay with him forever in this intense, first moment. He had never experienced Harry like this before, and he let his skin brush against Harry’s torso wanting to get even closer. Zayn’s tense chest rubbed over Harry’s nipples, causing him to separate his lips into a desperate moan. Before he could get back into their kiss, Zayn let his tongue slide in between Harry’s lips to connect their tongues. He caressed it with relish, tasting every inch of it by each swirl. Zayn couldn’t get enough, Harry was so sweet and pliant under him he felt like he wanted to eat him, lick all of him. 

Harry suddenly felt how Zayn caught his tongue between his lips and sucked at it, making his lower region react with such force he couldn’t help buckle his hips up at Zayn who was now straddling him. Harry clouded mind suddenly focused, and he could only think of how good Zayn’s lips must feel elsewhere if they felt this good now. Zayn just hummed in delight, feeling how the desperate boy under him was just as far gone as himself. Connecting their lips again Zayn let Harry know how eager he made him by moving like that. Zayn nibbled slightly at Harry’s lower lip, causing yet another impatient moan. 

He couldn’t wait another second, he had to have all of Harry right now. His heart was beating overwhelmed by the contact, he could feel the pulsation throughout his entire body. He leaned his forehead against Harry’s, parting their lips. They both had their eyes closed, breathing heavy. When Zayn had calmed down and opened his eyes again, Harry’s were there to meet them. His beauty made Zayn numb and he had to bite his lip to see if he could still feel. Harry copied him, because he didn’t want to give away just another moan at the sight of it. Zayn reached down, pecking Harry’s lips slightly before he moved on to his clenched jaw, leaving soft kisses the entire way until he stopped at his neck. 

He let his nose slide over the delicate skin covering the pulsating hot artery. Harry’s skin had a deep smell, super natural, magical, and it ignited Zayn lust even further. Before he knew it, he was licking a long streak all the way from Harry’s collarbone to his jaw, tasting Harry’s salty skin in delight. Harry shivered when he felt the cool as Zayn breathed out on its trace. 

He didn’t know what to do, how to reciprocate, but Zayn’s little tricks got him into a trance. He couldn’t even coordinate his body if he tried to. Zayn continued with nibbling at Harry’s soft skin, feeling its viscosity between his teeth. Harry let out a surprised gasp, Zayn’s teeth were so sharp against his skin, but Harry loved the sting. Capturing the skin between his teeth Zayn started sucking a hickey into Harry’s neck, sucking harder every time Harry would squirm under him. Zayn couldn’t help it, he realized he had grabbed Harry’s wrists, pushing them down into the mattress, to keep him from moving. Harry tried to relax, but it was almost impossible with Zayn’s hot body pressed against him. He tried to breathe, but he settled with humming low at every move Zayn made. The older boy could feel the how Harry started to relax into the situation under him when he realized there was no point in moving. That’s when he knew he could go further down.


	9. Hot skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn goes down

Still holding Harry he slowly moved his head down to Harry’s left nipple, not letting his lips part from the hot skin. Opening his mouth wide he embraced it with lips, tongue and hot moist, caressing it repeatedly. Harry was a lost mess under him, squirming and hissing. No matter how much he tried to relax the thought was constantly interrupted with the tingling sensation of Zayn’s touch. His loud moans echoed in the room, but Harry could barely hear them. Without knowing it, his arms were fighting to get free, to stop Zayn from making him so vulnerable under his touch. But Zayn didn’t notice, he was so focused on the way Harry’s skin connected with his, just to disconnect the next moment as Harry moved under him. He couldn’t get enough; he needed to hold Harry tighter. 

Zayn let go of his right hand, grabbing his chest, moving up and down his side, feeling the flesh moving, muscles tensing and relaxing confusedly. Harry tried to control Zayn somehow with his hand, but it was impossible, Zayn was lost between his nipples, all Harry could do was sliding his fingers in between Zayn’s curls and slow him down by pushing him tighter against his chest. It got Zayn absolutely crazy. He felt his rock hard cock throb against Harry’s thigh, and he was reminded of where he meant to go from the start. 

Releasing Harry’s left wrist he grabbed at his sides instead, kissing his way down to the lining of his pants. As he unbuttoned his pants he dared look up towards Harry. Zayn didn’t care what this boy under him would think of him anymore, he just needed to make sure Harry could see exactly how desperate, eager, determined he was to have him. Harry blushed, he couldn’t believe he had let himself loose himself to Zayn like this. His pleading yet still intimidating eyes stared deep into Harry for a few seconds until he had unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down under his ass. Zayn grabbed Harry’s pants with his teeth to free the dick. Harry had to bite his lips and lean his head back, away from the sight in order to not moan. He fisted his hands in the sheets, his hands seemed to want to stop what this boy was doing to him, but the rest of his body and mind couldn’t wait for what was about to come.

The air felt cold against his warm length when Zayn got his underwear off. He pulled them down even further, to get a good view of Harry’s junk. He couldn’t help but gape slightly; Harry was even bigger than himself. Yet he was still determined to swallow all of him. Zayn grabbed Harry at the base and started licking his head, before he got the entire length wet by licking at its sides. He took a deep breath before letting his lips sink down over Harry. His pre come left a salty taste in his mouth and he loved it. He could feel Harry starting to twitch more and more under him, and he heard his ragged breath from above. He released his grip, so he could swallow Harry down to the base. It was more difficult than he had imagined, Harry’s width stretched his throat, but Zayn didn’t let than stop him from sucking and bobbing his head up and down. 

By now Harry was moaning out loud again, uncontrollably. His hands suddenly grabbed Zayn’s hair, holding him down as he bucked his hips, going deeper into Zayn. The older boy almost choked on him, but he kept obeying Harry’s touch. Harry couldn’t believe a mouth could be this tight, hot or moist, he had never gotten a blowjob like this before. Before he knew it he felt Zayn’s fingers dig into his hips as he pushed him down once more, coming before he could stop himself. After a few seconds of incoherent moaning Harry let his hands slip out of Zayn’s hair to lay trembling at his sides. He didn’t dare to open his eyes to look at Zayn; he just lay still, trying to calm his breathing. He felt Zayn get of him slowly, kissing his sensitive membrane before continuing up his torso, the way he had come down, just connecting their lips quicker than Harry could say fuck. He opened his eyes slightly to meet Zayn’s before he relaxed into the kiss passionately again, tasting himself on Zayn’s lips, loving the taste of himself on the boy.


	10. Massage oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where Harry just leaves.

Zayn moaned heavily against Harry, reassuring him of how wonderful it had felt to taste him. He could feel Harry slowly reaching up along his thighs, grabbing his ass, massaging it. Then, to the older boys surprise, Harry started unbuttoning his trousers as well. Zayn couldn’t keep himself from helping him, eventually parting their lips so he could position himself with Harry’s thirsty mouth. Zayn’s dick popped out right in front of Harry’s face, too close for him to focus on it, yet he could see its size was great. 

The younger boy wanted nothing but please Zayn in the same way as he had been pleasing Harry, so when he felt Zayn’s flesh being pushed against his lips, entering his mouth, he accepted it willingly. Zayn was rougher, pushing in right away. Harry’s mouth watered around him, and he could feel the corners of his eyes getting wet as he fought the urge to turn away. Zayn was holding him by the back of his head, fucking down his throat. As much as it turned him on - Harry was already hard again - he didn’t know if he could take much more. 

Just as he was about to resist, Zayn pulled away himself, panting as he stared down at Harry. His dark eyes were clouded, and his mouth open in admiral. Harry looked so hot with his eyelashes heavy from tears and those saliva covered lips that Zayn’s cock was resting on. Slowly, determined, Zayn leaned back, a thread of spit following his cock as he dismounted. He got off the bed and let his trousers fall to the floor. He was completely naked now. Harry didn’t know if his perfect body and glistering erect cock turned him on or intimidated him. He didn’t know what Zayn wanted him to do anymore. It made him feel insecure, but maybe that was why he liked it. 

Slowly, Zayn approached him. He was watching Harry intently the entire time, and Harry didn’t dare look away. Zayn grabbed Harry’s pants and trousers and yanked them down the entire way with one pull. Harry didn’t protest; he hardly even reacted. Zayn carefully separated his legs, getting back up in the bed between them. As he came up closer to his core Harry’s breath became shallower and he could feel his heartbeat race. Could Harry go through with what Zayn wanted? Harry didn’t know how to stop whatever was about to happen, there was no time to think, all he could see was Zayn, his eyes, his wary body, the way his hands moved on him… 

Harry kept telling himself he didn’t know what Zayn was showing him with his eyes, Harry didn’t want to understand, didn’t want to say no. Finally Zayn stopped where he wanted to be, so close that Harry’s hole clenched. He could feel Zayn’s hard dick rub against his own and his legs was all spread out before this hot boy, who was now leaning down to kiss him. Harry closed his eyes, but he had barely relaxed into the kiss before he heard Zayn open the drawer to the bedside table. For a second Harry had thought this was all there was going to be to it. Zayn kept kissing him, and Harry tried not to think about anything else but his lips and tongue, but when Zayn flicked the lube bottle open it felt like the sound of it echoed through the entire room a hundred times. 

Before Harry knew it, he felt a cool finger press against his entrance and Zayn’s finger slowly entered him. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but neither was it unpleasant with Zayn being the one to do it. He moved in and out of Harry, trying to ease him up as they kept kissing. Zayn stroked Harry’s neck passionately, trying to get him to relax, and it worked, Harry felt Zayn’s genuine lust, his true want for him. The thought of what was coming didn’t worry Harry anymore, instead he could feel his body clench just like before. Zayn felt it too and pulled out, just to enter again with two lubed fingers. It was easier reaching in to Harry’s hot core now, and he could almost feel Harry’s spot. He pushed in further, barely reaching it, but it was enough to make Harry sigh into their kiss. Zayn scissored his fingers and let a third one slip in with some effort. He couldn’t wait any longer, ha had to feel Harry around his length. Trying to stretch Harry out just a little more Zayn scissored and twisted his fingers even more inside of Harry, the boy shivering and tensing up under him. Zayn’s kisses were impatient now, he had a hard time distracting Harry, especially when the boy was unfolding so beautifully underneath him.

“Baby, relax for me honey” Zayn begged desperately between his teeth. “I promise I will be gentle with you.” Something in his last words, reassured Harry that he was safe. He didn’t know how this would feel, but he knew he was willing to try it for Zayn. The thought of having him inside of him still made his length twitch. Zayn was so close to him, leaning his forehead against his. His breath was sweet and heavy when he tore his eyes away from Harry’s cautious gaze to look down at dick as he coated it with a fine layer of lube. Harry couldn’t look at it; instead he closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Zayn leaned up against him. He had to open his eyes; he didn’t want to let Zayn down. The older boy looked up at him almost questioningly but Harry just looked back at him, weak but reassuring. 

So Zayn put Harry’s right leg up and pushed forward, slowly slipping in. Harry tried to relax and breathe calmly at the same time; he didn’t know how he would be able to take all of Zayn. He realized his mouth was open, and closed it, clenching his teeth. He tried not to frown, but Zayn could see his reaction. It was almost too much, feeling Harry’s tightness around him, and seeing his face taken over by emotion. Zayn had to let out a moan, pushing all the way in at once so he could get closer to Harry, caress his torso, feel the muscles moving under his skin with both his hand moving over his abs, up to his neck, giving him a passionate hard kiss. Harry was overwhelmed, and he didn’t know if it was good or bad, all he knew was that he had to reciprocate Zayn’s touch. Harry reached up to Zayn, embracing him in the same way, gasping against Zayn’s lips. Every slight movement made to embracing Zayn sent shivers through Harry’s spine but it was all worth it. Harry felt how Zayn pulled him down from the pillows and put both his legs up so they were resting on his arms. 

Every move was agony but once Zayn started moving in and out of him, making sure to thrust right into his spot each time, Harry forgot all about discomfort. The feeling of Zayn inside of him suddenly took him over in such force he couldn’t even focus on the kisses Zayn was giving him. It was like electricity flowing though Harry, it was like waves on a stormy sea. He tried to focus on not cumming, he didn’t want Zayn to think he could have enough of him. Every moan Harry heard coming from above him matched the thrusts, and every time Zayn fucked into him it felt deeper, more intense than the thrust before. Harry dug his nails into the working muscles in Zayn’s back and struggled not to load himself. It stung the older boy and he didn’t know what turned him on more, the feel of Harry’s entire body open to him, free to do what he wanted with him, or the fact he was the one who got to make this beautiful brunette feel this way, unravel like this. Either way, he knew he couldn’t let this be the last time. He bit his lip as he felt how he was getting closer to his climax, but Zayn was still determined to last longer than Harry. It felt so good fucking him rough like this, hearing Harry try to moan things like “fuck” “yes” and “Zayn.” But all there was were half words ending or starting in the middle. Zayn kept at his pace, watching Harry intently as he could hardly reach through to him. Harry could almost feel him watching so he opened his eyes in a struggle and met Zayn’s eyes. When they kissed once again it was too much for Harry, feeling Zayn’s entire body all lined up against him like this. He tried to moan a wait but it was too late. Hot cum burst out over their chests, and Zayn cummed almost right away when he felt Harry tense around him. 

For a while they just lay there, breathing, before Zayn slowly turned his head to look at Harry. Harry looked back, starry eyed and blushing. Zayn smiled and gave him a peck on the nose, before he got up off the bed. He disappeared into the bathroom. Harry heard how he started to fill the tub with water. He couldn’t help but fear this was the end of it. Zayn would wash his cum off, maybe in disgust, and after a while he’d come out, realizing Harry was still lying in his bed, all filthy and sweaty. It was best to just leave right away, so that he wouldn’t have to hear Zayn ask him to do it. Harry quickly pulled his pants on and pulled his shirt over his sticky chest, not even caring if it got dirty, suddenly he just felt like leaving as quickly as possible. But just as he was about to reach the doorknob Zayn came out of the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Zayn asked confused. Harry was silent for a moment. The tub was still filling up, and Zayn hadn’t washed.

“To my room” Harry said, trying to sound nonchalant and relaxed, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like Zayn was just somebody he had met at the club and would never meet again. Like this was a one-night stand, no feelings involved. Harry realised. It seemed like Zayn didn’t know what to say, so Harry left before he made things worse. 

Because he couldn’t just have changed his mind when it was obvious that he was leaving. Because he didn’t want Zayn to think he’d only been on his way to leave because he thought Zayn would want him to. Harry didn’t realize he was standing in front of his door thinking until now. He tried to get rid of the thoughts and opened it, entered and shut the door with a distracted slam, stopping in the middle of the room. He threw his clothes off into a small pile in an empty corner of the room. He went into the bathroom and cleaned his torso with a bit of paper and water. Harry didn’t even want to look at himself in the eyes, so he stared down on the sink, avoiding the mirror. He felt ashamed. 

When he got out he put on some sweatpants and a soft tee. He didn’t feel like going to bed, instead he lay down in it, staring up at the roof. He had to think things over, had to think about what had just happened. Why did he always have to be so insecure? They could have been cuddling in the bath by now, if it wasn’t for him. If it wasn’t for me, Harry thought. It was a mistake, and he had to undo it, otherwise he could never forgive himself. He could never forget about what had just happened. The question was how. His chest felt was filled with anxiety. A tear formed in the corner of his eye, so he turned his head to feel it trail down his temple. He looked at his bedside table. It was crammed with junk that Harry couldn’t even recognise at the moment. Though there was one thing his eyes focused on, and after a few seconds he realized what it actually was. He’d had it for ages, but never remembered to use it. Which is why he had placed it by his bed. And now he had a perfect use for it.

Zayn lay on the messy bed with his back turned to the door. The water was still running in the tub, it would probably spill over any minute. He didn’t care. In his hand he was holding Harry’s forgotten pants. He was squeezing them in his fist while he debated whether he should go to Harry’s room with them. He just wanted a reason to see Harry, tell him he want to be with him still, or just ask him why he wanted to go. Had he done something wrong? Maybe he had been too rough… But Harry had seemed to enjoy it… quite a lot… Zayn just didn’t know. The corners of his eyes were sore. He couldn’t go like this. 

His heart suddenly jumped in his chest. Someone had knocked on the door. He hurried to turn the water off, damn the floor was wet. Hope had risen in his chest, but when Zayn was about to open the door he realized he must be looking like a mess. Not that it mattered. Of course it wasn’t going to be Harry anyway, and frankly Zayn didn’t care about what any one else would think of him right now. 

But it was. It was Harry. Zayn quickly dried the corners of his eyes and stepped aside, letting Harry enter without question. He looked down at the carpet.

“Sorry” Harry began.

“No, don’t worry about it sorry for what” Zayn quickly added, not wanting to seem too needy.

“Leaving like that… I just though… I thought something was missing and I found it in my room.” Harry waved with the little massage oil in his hand, and quickly put it on the bedside table to cover the silence. Zayn was still dirty on his chest, though he didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh” Zayn said, maybe a little bit late. He suddenly realized he was still holding Harry’s underwear in one hand. “You left your underwear.” It came out a bit wrong, it sounded like Zayn wanted to make sure Harry hadn’t thought that he had thought Harry had left for good. He threw Harry’s underwear on the bed, making it look like he expected Harry to stay. “I was just gonna roll one, so we could chill in the tub n stuff… If you want to?”

“Yeah, of course I do, sorry for leaving before” Harry said again, pulling his shirt of as he walked towards Zayn. He took Zayn’s cheeks in his hands and looked the other boy deep into his eyes, rubbing at the corners with his thumbs. Zayn just looked back at him with big eyes, not sure how to respond to this beautiful boy. He didn’t have to because that’s when Harry kissed him. Before he got totally lost in their kiss Harry thought about the water on the bathroom floor and why it was there and he also tried to remember that they had to use the massage oil.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to think I have a unik writing style but the truth is probably that I'm not very good at expressing myself. Please leave kudos and comment if you like this, come with suggestions and yeah, I like constructive feedback.


End file.
